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Ask Me Anything - Q&A!

June 14th, 2024


Friday Night Live With Chase Hughes
Friday Night Live With Chase Hughes

"I just wanted to cover some basic questions on all of the stuff that we typically talk about and everything that we talk about with Authority, Confidence, and Behavior. So I would love for you to type whatever burning question you'd like into the chat here so I can answer it for you, live in this Q&A."



Ask Me Anything - Q&A!


How best to handle negative people? 


It's different for different people. If there's someone in your life that's a family member, you get them at their best and figure out when they're going to be in their best moods. If there's someone that you have to work with. The best thing to do is as fast as you can figure out where they are on the NCI needs map and understand what their needs are and what they're actually afraid of. Typically you get negativity when somebody starts bumping up or brushing up against something that they're scared of. So understanding that completely helps you to understand what's driving the negativity in their fear. 


How does confidence fit with humility?


I think one of the biggest mistakes that I've ever seen people make with confidence in my life, and this is me training 10,000 People now in Intel agencies and stuff like that. Confidence is the number one thing that people mistake there is no touching or no similarity with confidence, status, and hierarchy. So your status and hierarchy in a social pecking order, and you being full of yourself is different than confidence. Confidence is about who you think you are not in relation to other people. It's all about you and it's not about me being better than anyone else. So humility and confidence go hand in hand. 


I would even call humility a trait of leadership which is one of the five traits of authority that we talk about confidence, discipline, leadership, gratitude, and enjoyment. Just being in enjoyment so they very much can go along with each other. So making yourself smaller is not actual humility. It's faking humility so people who desire to make themselves smaller so other people can feel powerful or I'm doing it because of social anxiety. That is not genuine humility. It's being fake and being inauthentic. So truly being in humility means that I am comfortable in my own skin and still able to feel humble. So remember, humility isn't something that we do. It's something that we are, just like confidence. 


How do I handle a professor who is Intelligence on the Needs map? 


I would just say that “I think there's a possibility…” or “I think it might be possible always remember that…” phrase when dealing with anybody who is Significance or Intelligence. “I think there's a possibility…” or “I think it might be possible that…”


How would I structure a typical daily journal entry? 


There's two types of journaling:


  1. There's people that write down here's what happened in my day. 

  2. There's people that use the Journal as a planning tool. 


I'm the second kind of person and I plan the day out with here's all the things that are on my to-do list and then I rank them one through four all those things on the Eisenhower matrix which is how important are they but maybe something's important but it's not urgent. So urgency versus importance is a big difference. Two things that we have to weigh separately on everything urgency and importance. 


Why do some people make fake smiles when convincing their opinion? 


The fake smile is a rapport-building tool. It's how we've connected with other people, other primates for the last 200,000 years, and probably far beyond that. It's even a way that some primate species even today do that. 


Could rapists be difficult to read if they believe in their own heads that the women wanted them, And they actually didn't think they're doing is wrong?

 

I think they're extremely easy to read still, if they think about this. What you might be referring to is when it comes to deception and stress, and yes that would decrease their level of stress about talking about the incident but it does not decrease their level of understanding. Maybe delusional about the women, but they're not delusional about facing jail time in an interrogation room. 


Do you watch movies and knowing body language do movies still have an impact on you? Are you constantly observing? 


If the actors are good, then I absorbed myself into the movie, every time I watch Interstellar the movie, I still cry to this day. 


I'm starting a new job on Monday, what's the best tip I can remind myself throughout the day to help make a positive first impression with my new co-workers?


The number one thing that you need to be telling yourself is that no one's going to be there to give you permission to connect with other people say hello, you're going to be waiting for permission or a lot of people are going to be waiting for permission. And that's a big deal. So your level of authority so if we just get into gratitude and enjoyment, just those two aspects of authority are the most important thing for you tomorrow.


Why are teenagers so volatile? 


I think I have a 15 and a 16. Oh, as of yesterday, I have a 17 and a 16-year-old now, and I'm there with you. And that's a huge surge and ebb and flow of lots of different hormones that would take if it were me, I would pull out a whiteboard. And I'm going into it for about an hour but there's a whole lot going on with these hormones. And funnily enough, teenagers eat an interesting diet based on those hormones, which changes. There's levels of vitamins and minerals and most people don't understand how profound a difference in vitamin D can be to our mood and state. There's studies out there that show that people who are diagnosed with major depressive disorders, all kinds of stuff just have a vitamin deficiency, but they're given a prescription to balance out brain chemistry. When the brain chemistry is not the problem. It's a vitamin deficiency. 


How can you get rid of negative convictions?


Interesting word there that keeps recurring regardless of what techniques you try, like transfer recordings and writing down beliefs regularly. The number one way to do this is to force yourself to fail and face those situations to prove that those negative things are not correct. So it is a failure. It's a lack of recurring failure. So Michael Jordan was the best because he missed more free throws than everybody else. He had more failures than anybody else. 


That's what increases confidence, is knowing what his limits are. So the more negative or limiting beliefs somebody has, the less chance they've had to really experience their own personal limitations, or they're kind of tied to the past. So thinking in terms of that, I would say getting those negative convictions in front of your face on a regular basis. So writing them down and reading them will help you to understand how silly they are and write them down in the silliest way that you possibly can.


How does severe childhood trauma affect body language and how does one reverse the permanent damage from it?


What trauma does to most people is it changes a lot of their natural behaviors to being protective. So shoulders are more likely to go up and the body is more likely to be closed. So the postural kind of hunched down, the upper arms will stick more into the torso when they're having social interactions, and they're a lot more likely to have more rapid movement and response to some. 


What do you do with people who won't take no for an answer, where they keep begging you?


Typically, and I'm gonna say this as if I were coaching you, when you encounter more than one person who won't take no for an answer, you probably have a boundary problem. And in that regard, dealing with those people means that you set a firm boundary with those people, but you also start setting boundaries very early in a conversation and this doesn't mean you have to be mean. You just say well, I get this and there's a lot of people out there that want to do X, Y, and Z.


What's your advice on how to maximize de-escalation effectiveness on somebody under the influence of alcohol?


Number one, if you're able to establish focus, that's number one. If you can't get a person's focus, you can't de-escalate them. So I'm assuming that you're good enough to understand how to capture a person's focus. When a person is inebriated, their body is kind of like on a swivel chair, so to speak, where they can kind of like reorient themselves really quickly to what's going on. If you have focus, when a person is integrated, the best way to do this is to start guiding their vision far enough laterally to where they start. adjusting their shoulders to it. So now their body, their brain is so drunk that it's trusting the body's level of conviction because the body is moving the brain is telling them, okay, you need this, and is obviously important. I'm going to keep paying attention to it.


How much influence do you think social media has on mass shooters? Do you think people are purposely using it to influence them to act out? 


Number one, it has an immense influence. Our brains are wired to respond socially to about 150 people. So now that we see someone in the 1000s doing something, it makes it okay for our brains to do it. And if there's one thing that not just social media, but media has done is to normalize that kind of violence where it's talked about on TV, and then you see a Cornflakes and a Doritos commercial right for that like it's not a big deal. So it gets routinely normalized.


For that, like it's not a big deal. So it gets routinely normalized and normalized and normalized. And it's not just that it's on the media. It's that we're witnessing 500,000 people observe that. Then I log on on social media and I don't see a ton of outrage, because there's so much negative information out there that we're not seeing outrage. So two things simultaneously occurring, so much negative stuff is destroying and creating an apathy. So we're killing outrage and increasing the normalcy. Of those events at the same time, and that's really what's going on right now.


Could you share when you mentioned ‘Chase would really like that’? I understand why you do that. In third person. I think I remember Mark Bowden mentioning it was such a good thing.


So when I'm saying Chase, would really like that. I'm setting myself up for the future. I'm getting stuff ready for me for the next day. I'm putting the coffee thing in the coffee maker. I'm hiding money and my winter coats because it's summertime right now. Those kinds of things. I am not talking about me in third person. In third person, I'm talking about my future self in third person because that is another person that is not me right now. I think the unhealthy part of that would be referring to your present self and third person. Just my opinion though, I view my future self. As another version of me. That's different from me who I have met the sworn duty of my life is to protect that person as if it was my child. How my child grows up is supposed to be up to me how I grew up and what I'm going to look like in the future is exactly the same. 


Will you ever do a course on KAPTOR?


KAPTOR is an influence technique that I teach that I personally view as dangerous. And it's something that I believe has a strong capacity to be misused in a big way. I do teach a course KAPTOR. It's a five or six-day long course where you just learn how to do KAPTOR. And that's the entire course it's called the Black Course. There's one coming up in October, and it's literally right here at my house. So you can talk to one of the team about that.


What is the difference between Approval and Acceptance on the social Needs Map?


So approval means that I need permission to do stuff. This is me talking to a co-worker saying you know what? I'm really not good at this. Or me saying to somebody, I'm supposed to go give a speech tomorrow but I suck at speaking. But what I'm really wanting out of that, that's not pity. A person might hear that as pity. 


Here's the difference between pity in that statement. The people who are approval needs want you to correct them. They want you to say you are going to do a great job. You've always been good at that. They need the correction and approval to keep moving forward. The acceptance people are all about groups, and tribes and membership. So that's hopefully a huge enlightening difference that really shows you the difference between those two things. Maybe three things since we've talked about pity. 


Have you tried or are trying psychedelics herself? If so, have they been helpful? 


I have a neurology protocol that I follow that does involve that, which requires travel to a state where that's legal. But yes, it's been probably the most life-changing thing I've ever done in my entire life. I will say that hands down. Absolutely.


Do you believe that parents need more outside help to manage their children? Like more and more psychologists, psychiatrists, and mentors?


There's a lot of controversial studies on this. There's studies that say that getting children into therapy is detrimental is not good for their mental health. And it's more and more psychologists that are coming out and saying this. You can do your own research on this. I think there was even a full Joe Rogan episode. It was a female doctor who came on who had written a book about this.


But yes, they need more outside help to manage their children. The outside help that they usually need that kids are lacking. Now are three-dimensional human beings, friends not inside of social media for lacking friends, and that's the outside help, the outside help that my parents had that all of your parents probably had is you went outside. You got help from the sun. You got help from exercise and you got help from friends. Those three things are a lot of what's missing today.

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Thanks Chase - love the Q & A idea. I've been known to re-arrange engagements to be able to listen to FNL - unfortunately I don't get to listen live often due to working early shifts where I am up at 4:30 am. Working on changing that for the future Rachel 😊

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